Collection of Funny Lawyer Quotes

• There are three sorts of lawyers - able, unable and lamentable. - Robert Smith Surtees
• Whoever tells the best story wins. - John Quincy Adams
• A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray
• Ignorance of the law excuses no man - from practicing it. - Adison Mizner
• In almost every case, you have to read between the lies. - Angie Papadakis
• A lawyer is a gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it for himself. - Lord Brougham
• A man is innocent until proven broke. - Anonymous

“A lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a thousand men with guns.” -Mario Puzo


“You win some and you lose some, but you get paid for all of them.” -Anonymous

“I don't think you can make a lawyer honest by an act of legislature. You've got to work on his conscience. And his lack of conscience is what makes him a lawyer.” -Will Rogers

“The good lawyer is not the man who has an eye to every side and angle of contingency, and qualifies all his qualifications, but who throws himself on your part so heartily, that he can get you out of a scrape.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

“You cannot live without the lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them.” -Joseph H. Choate

“A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.” - H. L. Mencken

“To me, a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there is a problem the lawyer is the only person who has read the inside of the top of the box.” - Jerry Seinfeld

“The Lawyer's Motto:

"Insofar as manifestations of functional deficiencies are agreed by any and all concerned parties to be imperceivable, and are so stipulated, it is incumbent upon said heretofore mentioned parties to exercise the deferment of otherwise pertinent maintenance procedures."

In Other Words:

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it." --Anonymous