Originally posted last May 06, 2005 here.
It's no surprise that egos abound at law school. However, after a semester of one-upmanship and socratic questioning, every broad-shouldered, bright-eyed Biff Loman shrivels down to his disappointed, self-doubting father, Willy.
One law student, however, manages to "suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" with ease. That law student is Smugman (pronounced briskly as Smug-Mun.)
Smugman saunters through the halls with his chin up and his chest out, never obsessing about minute points of law or his standing amongst his peers. His self-confidence is a carnival mirror for further excaberating the anxiety of his peers.
While I cheer the fact that there is at least one emotionally well balanced person in law school, I can't help wonder if he was always this way.
Smugman at Age 2: Don't get too used to all that wiping, Mom. I plan on being consistent with the potty within a month.
Smugman at Age 6: Let's not waste your valuable time, Nurse Weathers. I can read the bottom line of this optometry test. K, 5, E, M, P.
Smugman at Age 13: Realistically, this Bar Mitzvah is just a formality. When I walked through the doors of this temple, I was already a man.
Smugman at Age 16: Parallel parking? Hell, I could even do it perpendicularly if it was allowed.
Smugman at Age 18: Be Gentle? Don't worry, my dear. After all, I didn't bring this "French Tickler" as a gag.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Monday, August 5, 2013
People You Meet During Exams: The Braggart
Originally posted last May 02, 2005 here.
The polar opposite of The Possum is The Braggart. Obviously, this is the person (usually a guy) who has the unyielding desire to inform everybody of his extensive exam preperations. The Braggart is painfully ignorant of any sort of efficiency theory, choosing to substitute quantity over quality when it comes to studying. Nothing vexes the Braggart more than those who choose to spend even one waking moment during exam time on anything other than studying. Unless, of course, they are bragging.
One of the most entertaining interactions you can witness is the meeting of two Braggarts on the way to the library restroom or in the computer lab. Similar to a meeting between two Bull Moose, they will figuratively butt heads in a struggle for bragging supremicy.
Braggart A: "I'm exhausted, I've been here for eight hours."
Braggart B: "Really? I've been here for ten and I'm just getting started."
Braggart A: "Well, I just finished my Tax outline. It's 60 pages long."
Braggart B: "60? Is that all? Mine is 75, and I finished a week ago. But I'm sure you'll still pass."
Braggart B has won. He is the new Alpha of the bragging nerds. Braggart A must retreat back to his cubicle to see if he can lengthen that tax outline at all.
The Braggart seethes when he finds out that someone is doing well in law school by merely using their notes and a commercial outline. "Judas," he mutters to himself as he pulls himself onto his cross of self sacrifice. Hey, Braggart, its a simple cost/benefit analysis (and don't forget who got the 30 pieces of silver at the end of the day).
The polar opposite of The Possum is The Braggart. Obviously, this is the person (usually a guy) who has the unyielding desire to inform everybody of his extensive exam preperations. The Braggart is painfully ignorant of any sort of efficiency theory, choosing to substitute quantity over quality when it comes to studying. Nothing vexes the Braggart more than those who choose to spend even one waking moment during exam time on anything other than studying. Unless, of course, they are bragging.
One of the most entertaining interactions you can witness is the meeting of two Braggarts on the way to the library restroom or in the computer lab. Similar to a meeting between two Bull Moose, they will figuratively butt heads in a struggle for bragging supremicy.
Braggart A: "I'm exhausted, I've been here for eight hours."
Braggart B: "Really? I've been here for ten and I'm just getting started."
Braggart A: "Well, I just finished my Tax outline. It's 60 pages long."
Braggart B: "60? Is that all? Mine is 75, and I finished a week ago. But I'm sure you'll still pass."
Braggart B has won. He is the new Alpha of the bragging nerds. Braggart A must retreat back to his cubicle to see if he can lengthen that tax outline at all.
The Braggart seethes when he finds out that someone is doing well in law school by merely using their notes and a commercial outline. "Judas," he mutters to himself as he pulls himself onto his cross of self sacrifice. Hey, Braggart, its a simple cost/benefit analysis (and don't forget who got the 30 pieces of silver at the end of the day).
People You Meet During Exams: The Possum
Originally posted last April 29, 2005 here.
Exam time brings out a whole new set of law school characters. They lie dormant all semester, until the stress of having their future ride on the results of a few tests brings these creatures out into the open. One such creature is The Possum. The Possum is the person, often a girl, who will jokingly talk about how badly they are going to fail. The Possum will compliment your knowledge of the material while deriding her own. One of the favorite jokes of The Possum is to say, "Sit next to me, so I can copy off you!"
For someone so sure that she is about to fail, she is in surprisingly good spirits, isn't she? Is she drugged? Did she have a self-actualization on the last day of class and realize that she isn't meant to be in law school, and is just finishing out the semester for good measure? Is she just happliy content with being below average? Of course not. As you can gather from the name, The Possum is just playing dead.
In reality, she is fully confident in her ability to succeed on her exams. Her "playing dumb" is just a smokescreen to hide the many hours she spends perfecting her outlines and memorizing the UCC. Of course, the following semester, when she learns that she got a 3.7, she acts genuinely surprised, as if it were some fluke.
At the end of the day, I like to have The Possum around. She is sort of like a stripper: She makes you feel better about yourself, even though you know she is lying.
Exam time brings out a whole new set of law school characters. They lie dormant all semester, until the stress of having their future ride on the results of a few tests brings these creatures out into the open. One such creature is The Possum. The Possum is the person, often a girl, who will jokingly talk about how badly they are going to fail. The Possum will compliment your knowledge of the material while deriding her own. One of the favorite jokes of The Possum is to say, "Sit next to me, so I can copy off you!"
For someone so sure that she is about to fail, she is in surprisingly good spirits, isn't she? Is she drugged? Did she have a self-actualization on the last day of class and realize that she isn't meant to be in law school, and is just finishing out the semester for good measure? Is she just happliy content with being below average? Of course not. As you can gather from the name, The Possum is just playing dead.
In reality, she is fully confident in her ability to succeed on her exams. Her "playing dumb" is just a smokescreen to hide the many hours she spends perfecting her outlines and memorizing the UCC. Of course, the following semester, when she learns that she got a 3.7, she acts genuinely surprised, as if it were some fluke.
At the end of the day, I like to have The Possum around. She is sort of like a stripper: She makes you feel better about yourself, even though you know she is lying.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
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